In a short series of Facebook comments regarding Tim Burton’s latest film Alice in Wonderland, some discussion was had about the relatively weak ending. I concurred and offered the opinion that, in my estimation, Burton often struggles with the endings to his movies. It’s as though so much has been poured into the beginnings and middles that he is creatively spent producing the final minutes before the credits roll. As I am prone to do, I continued this line of thought (offline) to our daily lives and the relationships we encounter and attempt to sustain. It occurred to me that with rare exception we are all bad at endings.

I think it was that great cinematic work “Cocktail” (starring Tom Cruise) in which one of the secondary characters declares “Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn’t end.” And, while as a practicing Buddhist I am inclined to take issue with the totality of the statement, I have to say it may not be so very far from the truth. Perhaps it is in our efforts to avoid suffering that we end up creating more of the very same in the end. Perhaps, like Tim Burton, we give so much of ourselves to the beginnings and middles of things that we fall painfully flat at the ends. Whatever the emotional or personal motivation, it’s safe to say humanity has some ways to go regarding personal situational resolution.

I believe the heart of our troubles can be found within our desire to be proven “right” – or at least with as little blame as possible – and in trying to reconcile that with our desire to avoid our own suffering as well as the suffering of others. Certainly we find ample enough instances of clear, unadulterated malice and anger in some interpersonal relationships. Yet the overwhelming majority of us are simply trying to muddle through muddy waters in search of clarity. That this clarity manifests itself in various iterations depending on our mood, our physical and mental health, and even our more general daily circumstances only manages to make us feel that much more conflicted.

As I get older, I find I have less need for redemption in terms of my actions or behaviors. In this I simply mean I work to maintain an unbiased, impartial view from all sides and can own up to my own ample shortcomings, foibles and eccentricities. I try to work on those things that need mending and I try to maintain a positive, balanced view of those areas where I function well. I try to bring this same level of balance to all aspects of my personal relationships. I have learned that some troubling aspects of my personality are likely to remain with me until I die. This approach has helped me lower my daily stress and helped me to maintain a hopeful outlook during recent periods of gratuitous stress and uncertainty.

So, I hope I am getting better at endings. I hope I am getting better at seeing people and situations as they really are and not just how I or others might wish them to be. I hope I am getting better at maintaining engagement from start to finish without sacrificing common decency and compassion as people pass in and out of my life. Some days, it’s hard as hell. Others, it just seems to make sense. Here’s hoping for more days of the latter and fewer of the former.